We've been hearing about how you NSA folks are using your access to our phone calls and internet use to spy on your love interests. So this one is for you, the spy who loves me.
Hey babe, how's it going? I'd love to hear all about you when I have time, but since you are taking the time out of your busy workday to check in on me, I thought I would tell you a little about myself. I'm tall, handsome, fit, and get mistaken for Brad Pitt all the time. Don't pay any attention to that photo on my driver's license. I don't know where they get that crazy stuff -- it's government work, am I right?
I like long walks on the beach, picnics, romantic dinners, whispering sweet nothings in my loveint's ear, cuddling under the moonlight, making my loveint feel wanted and all that sh*t.
What are you wearing? Um, wait a second. Are you a dude? Not that there's anything wrong with that. But uh, you know what? This just isn't working. I think you should leave. Right now. It's not you, it's me.
But I still like you. As a friend. We'll talk someday. I'll call.