Sleepless in Midland

Barack Obama, wow, isn't he great? -- Tips for addressing your IRS auditor

With so many people and entities being audited these days one needs to remember that there's more to it than simply documenting income and expenses. There's a political element. The hearing this past week in which Acting IRS Commissioner Steve Miller got grilled by Congress about how the IRS targeted Obama's political opponents in order to help with the re-election drove that home. But the IRS is still standing, and they’re doing business as usual.

So if you get audited, herewith are some things you might think about saying to endear you to your auditor:

That Barack Obama, wow, isn't he great?

Did you see Michelle's outfit? She certainly does have good taste!

I wonder which of the two Obama children will be President first.

I'll be glad when Obamacare gets fully implemented so that responsible people like you can take over our medical information.

Historians will say Barack Obama is the greatest president ever!

I didn't like Obama at first, but after hearing him speak, I saw the light.

He sure showed that bin Laden, huh?

When Hillary takes office she'll be the greatest president ever! Aw, silly me, ha ha! She'll be the 2nd greatest president ever!

Just tying to be helpful.

The bugs (bacteria) on your cell phone

Close up photos of bacteria are usually both fascinating and disturbing. And this is no exception. Dailymail.co.uk has a photo spread showing what was growing in Petri dishes a few days after students were asked to press their mobile phones into them. Click to see the photos.

Disclaimer: Sleepless in Midland assumes no responsibility for nausea, hypochondria, paranoia, contract cancellation, unfriending, or any other situation resulting from looking at the photos.

Moving on up -- the most expensive zip codes in the U.S.

The Upper East Side, New York, NY 10065, tops the list at a median asking price of $6.5 million. That's according to Forbes.com which has a list of the top 100 zip codes with the most expensive houses. George Jefferson would be right at home.

The closest I'll get to them will be these overhead photos of the top 15 at BusinessInsider.com.

Ah, the good life. It must be nice, but only for those people who don't mind paying property taxes which must be outrageous, even for those few that are in red states.

Top ten pickup lines for TSA agents

Lewrockwell.com points us to an article about distinguishing between pickup lines and security questions at the TSA inspection station. Quote:

I know that sometimes it's hard to tell but here's how to differentiate between some of the more popular ones I've heard:

Ma'am, you've set off the metal detector — no.
When you walk through the metal detector, you make my heart beep — yes. …

Shoes and Jackets off — no.
You can take a lot more off if you prefer — probably yes.

Oh please. Give us a break.

Dear readers, can't we come up with better ones than that? You bet your booties granny. Top ten TSA pickup lines:

You're taking a plane? I thought angels could fly without them.

If the smoke alarm goes off it's because you're so smokin' hot.

Here's a travel tip, you can find paradise in my apartment.

You're under arrest for stealing my heart.

You just scored a ten on the full body scanner.

We're about to hear an alarm, because my heart just caught fire.

Is your cell phone vibrating? Oh never mind, that's just my heart fluttering.

Uh, that's a gun in my pants, but I am happy to see you. I just need to take a pill.

We may need a lie detector because your body is so unbelievable.

Let's turn the tables and you feel me up this time.

If you can't book a room here's my number. My parents are out of town this weekend.

I got your destination right here. (Thrust hips forward and point to crotch with both index fingers.)

OK, twelve not ten. Hey, just trying to be helpful.