Sleepless in Midland

Three presidential contenders walk into a bar

Clinton:  "Gimme a shot 'n a beer."

Obama:  "I'll have a glass of your finest Chardonnay."

Clinton:  "I hear 08 is a good year, [smirking] or is that your bowling score?  HA HA HA HA!" [cackling]

Obama:  "Duck!  Get down!  Sniper fire!  Oh wait, never mind.  That was just a cloud of deceit hanging over your head."

Clinton:  "Aw, why so bitter?  Is it bad wine, or is that just the taste of defeat?"

Obama:  "Yeah right, it must hurt to see the African American vote waving good bye."

McCain:  "Uh, can I just have a glass of Geritol, please?  No ice?"

Talkin' like a politician

Watch a little bit of the news shows, and before you know it they are showing video of Michelle Obama explaining how non-elite she and Barack are.  "Talking" becomes "talkin,"  "bringing" becomes "bringin"  -- make that "g" sound and you're Harvard, not homey.

Another little bit of interesting word usage is "me and Barack."  Examples here and here.   In school we learned to say "she and I" or "him and me," always putting the other person first in the listing.

If you listen to enough interviews you'll hear bosses refer to themselves and their employees as "me and my team" or some such, always putting the others in second place honoring their perceived place in the hierarchy.  Works the same way when a star athlete refers to the others on the team.  "Me and my teammates."

So it's hard to know whether Ms. Obama is merely dumbing it down for the audience or simply describing the totem pole from the top down, as she sees it.  It's an interesting development in either case.

How to tell if your preacher could be crazy

A politician wears his/her religion like a decoration, showing it off at every opportunity.  And why not?  Polls tell them they could never get elected without an acceptable religion.

A politician needs to have a good church for a background shots and most do a fair job of picking that setting.  But obviously Barack Obama might need some help avoiding crazy preachers.

So as Easter Sunday approaches, this is one of an seldom occurring series of posts directed at politicians advising them how to be better politicians.  Specifically, how they can tell if their preacher is crazy.  Some examples.

• If the preacher preaches the ten commandments in one breath then violates one of them in the next (the one about using God's name in vain), he could be a crazy preacher.

• If the preacher seems unable to distinguish between good and evil, i.e., justifying ruthless terrorists bent on killing innocent civilians in the name of religion because the United States' fought for survival in World War II, he could be a crazy preacher.

• If the preacher seems bent on trying to convince white people that all of their efforts over the past five decades to improve race relations have been a total waste of time, he could be a crazy preacher.

• If the preacher wants to indoctrinate the children in racial hatred, he could be a crazy preacher.

• If the preacher sounds more like bin Laden than Billie Graham, he could be a crazy preacher.

Finally,  Mr. Obama made a speech attempting to justify his loyalty to his preacher, and in doing so, he pronounced that his grandmother is a "typical white person."  Some people may be confused by that wondering just what is a typical white person.  So here's a helpful site that identifies characteristics of the stereotypical white person.  It's stuff white people like (via Pajamas Media).

Hope this helps.

Number 9? Number 9? Client Number 9?

There's something jaw dropping about the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal.  First off, the price.  Supposedly this well paid public servant ordered services with a price tag of $4,300.  And here I am trying to decide whether to buy a cheap little computer.  What does one get for $4,300?  Er, besides an expectation of secrecy.

Allegedly he paid some $80,000 over a period of time for this service, and at $4,300 per session that comes to only 18.6 sessions. That really must have been some hot sex.

But what really gets one's attention is that the session that was under discussion in the wiretap supposedly occurred on February 13, the day before Valentine's Day.  Well, Valentine's Day is full of obligation for men.  Maybe he was just trying to get in shape for the big day.

Constable position in Odessa -- an interesting race

Challenging an incumbent is always a tough proposition.  A challenger who flies under the radar is probably going to be unable to dislodge the incumbent, so it takes a lot of work on behalf of a challenger to persuade people to vote for the new guy.

We are seeing this played out in Odessa where Jeff Schwende is challenging incumbent Steven Brennan for the Precinct 1 Constable position.

The challenger revealed some information recently about the incumbent, and here's a local news account:

What started as a normal political debate with little or no drama ended Tuesday night with accusations that Precinct 1 Constable Steven Brennan had a criminal record. The accusations came from Jeff Schwende, Brennan’s only opponent, during closing statements.

Scwhende said he was the only person running for Precinct 1 who did not have a criminal record.

Schwende said he discovered Brennan’s “criminal history” using a website that searches public data.

Brennan said Wednesday that he was arrested 30 years ago on a charge of evading arrest, a Class C misdemeanor.

“My brother had just been killed in the oilfield, saving two Odessa residents’ lives,” Brennan said. “I was out on Andrews Highway pretty upset, running up the road.”

Officers stopped Brennan and told him to go home, he said.

“I said I would, and I didn’t,” he said. “They placed me in custody after that.”

Brennan was put on six months probation for the offense in 1978.

Brennan was arrested under the name Steven Cupp, the name he was given when he was adopted.

“When I turned 21, I went to the Ector County Courthouse and took my birth name back, Steven Brennan,” the incumbent constable said.

Here's the link to the story unfortunately titled Constable race gets nasty.  This is information the voters would probably like to know but which the news media failed to uncover.  So the challenger has to be the one to bring it up, and the news media calls it "Nasty."  The odds are really stacked against a challenger.  And a lot of people will be watching this one to see how it turns out.

Updated 3/5/08:  The incumbent won.  See Incumbents in; challengers out.

Obama's biggest strength

There's a new word now off limits to those who would support a Barack Obama political opponent, his middle name.   The use of it becomes a rallying cry for the Obama troops.  In the meantime, for those of us entertained by the whole thing, there's a fun contest going on to pick a new middle name for Mr. Obama.  My favorites:  "Barack Herbert Walker Obama" and "Barack X. Obama."

Here's what Mr. Obama should do.  If/when he addresses the Democrat convention he could bring the house down if he walks up to the microphone and says: "I'm Barack Hussein Obama reporting for duty."

And why are women fainting at Obama appearances?  Here's one explanation:

Why do people keep fainting at Obama rallies? Are you sure this isn’t some kind of a setup?

They’re swooning on their own. Possibly helped along by the fact that the fans closest to the stage have to stand there for several hours before the event begins.

People stand  a long time for other candidates, too, without fainting.  But interestingly, those Obama rally faintings seemed to have stopped once the msm started reporting on them.

Anyway, there's a possibility that Mr. Obama could become our next president.  And watching him in the run up there's obviously one thing he's good at.  It's  the snappy comeback.  He's countered everything Hilary has thrown at him, and that may be his biggest strength.  So look out bin Laden, look out Ahmadinajad .  You just try something, and by golly Obama will hit you with a zinger that will have you curled in a fetal position crying like baby.

Bill Clinton eclipsed

It happened here last week.  One night we had a lunar eclipse, and the next day, some 15 or so hours later, former president Bill Clinton was in Odessa campaigning for his wife.

Now you might expect some clever, funny joke comparing Bill Clinton with the lunar eclipse:

"A celestial body once shiny and bright grew dim and lifeless as it drifted into the shadow.  And the night before there was a lunar eclipse."

But no.  Here you get jokes that are unclever and unfunny at the same time.

Precinct 2 constable race

The incumbent Midland County Precinct 2 Constable, Charles "Choc" Harris, is being challenged in the Republican primary this season by Joe Watters.  I don't know much about Mr. Watters, but there's plenty of information out there about Mr. Harris.

The first time I saw Constable Charles "Choc" Harris he was the complainant in the criminal case of State of Texas vs. Theodore L. Jurgensen.  According to testimony at that trial Mr. Harris' dogs were annoying his next door neighbor, Mr. Jurgensen.  So Mr. Jurgensen pepper sprayed them.  Mr. Harris climbed over the fence and grabbed Mr. Jurgensen by the shirt.  Mr. Jurgensen kicked Mr. Harris, drew his gun, and ordered Mr. Harris off his property.  Mr. Harris initiated a felony action against Mr. Jurgensen.  And the next time Mr. Jurgensen went to the store he experienced a Swat team knock down, an arrest, and a felony trial that left many local people scratching their heads.  (See writeup here.)

The next time I saw Mr. Harris was in June of 2006 on the highway North of Midland when a grass fire was raging a few hundred yards away.  DPS officers were slowing the traffic down so that by the time the traffic reached the staging area it was moving at a crawl.   Mr. Harris was standing at the staging area waving the traffic by.

It's not clear how crucial Mr. Harris' function was at that time as the DPS officers appeared to have traffic under control.  I mention this because Midland Reporter Telegram photographer Tim Fischer arrived at the scene.  The fire was over the ridge and not visible from the highway.  So Mr. Harris dropped everything, loaded Mr. Fischer with camera in his big County SUV, and took him on a 20 minute tour of the fire scene.

I was awed.  I don't hang out with elected officials or main stream media figures, so I don't know how common that sort of thing is.  But it was an amazing thing to see.   And I've wondered if there's any payback for that sort of thing.  There probably isn't.

In any event, this next item is surely unrelated to any of that.  The Midland Reporter Telegram pronounced today that Voters should select Harris for constable:

"To be quite truthful, this was a tough decision for us. Both are well qualified and certified to perform the duties of constable. We think both can do an excellent job, and both carry impressive law enforcement credentials.

"In the end, however, we continue to support Choc Harris for constable. While we feel Watters is a fine candidate, we think there is no evident reason to kick Harris out of the job. Harris has served as constable for two full terms after filling an unexpired term through appointment in 1999. That's a long uninterrupted period of service that deserves the vote of the public."

In other words, vote for the incumbent because he is the incumbent.  Great reasoning, y'all.

What exactly do the constables do, anyway?  There's something the local media could tackle.  I don't mean just call a constable and ask, I mean actually find out and report it to us.  Don't say something vague like "serve warrants," tell us exactly what kind of warrants and what serving a warrant entails other than mailing a letter or hand delivering a piece of paper.  Give us the knowledge to decide for ourselves whether the constables are doing something the sheriff's office couldn't do.  But first, pledge that you will no longer accept any special treatment from them.

Updated 3/5/08:  The incumbent Harris won.  See MR-T:  "Incumbent Charles "Choc" Harris beat challenger Joe Watters for the constable race for Precinct 2 with 54.42 percent of the vote."

Looking for a few good men in San Francisco

What a place San Francisco must be.  Check out Zombietime who captures what the city is all about.  In the latest entry there's a very telling photo essay of the demonstrations against and for the Marine recruiting station.  Revealing and entertaining at the same time.

Updated 2/17/08: Watch video here.  Via Old Glory Radio.

Who would wear the pants in a Clinton White House?

Hillary said it:  "There's no doubt who will wear the pants suit in the White House!"  And a cheer of female voices rang out.

She meant that she would wear the pants and not Bill Clinton, but was that good strategy?  It brings to mind an image of Bill Clinton with no pants on.  We learned in the 90's that many people tolerated or even desired a pantless Bill Clinton.  And here she is reminding us of that once again.

But this is one of the reasons why I hope Hillary gets the Democratic nomination.  I don't think she would be good for the country, but it would be a gift for bloggers.  The satire would write itself.

Politics -betting play money on the outcome

Here's a site that looks like fun.  It's Hubdub which lets participants gamble play money on the outcome of current event stories.

All eyes are on the presidential race this Super Tuesday.   Going farther out, this market is predicting the Republican nominee will be McCain by 82% and for the Democratic nominee the betting is Obama 62%, Clinton 38%.

What about the November outcome?  Click to see for yourself, but as of right now it give us these percentages:  McCain - 21%; Clinton - 30%; and Obama - 40%.

Place your bet and take your chance.

It's a crying shame

If only I could draw a cartoon.  This one is just begging to be put on paper.  Picture this:  It's a scene of the Presidential candidates in a debate.  They are each standing behind a podium, and they are all bawling like babies.  Tear drops splashing everywhere!  The caption reads, "Always ready to adopt the latest successful technique, the candidates open the floodgates."

That successful technique was Hillary sobbing for the cameras to prove how much she really cares for the country just prior to the New Hampshire primary.  She really, really cares.

Was Hillary faking it?  It looked sincere, but what do I know?  I'm reminded of the time I joked to my ex about how she used to cry to get her way with me.  I was just making a joke not really knowing how she would respond, but she admitted it!  She had faked it!

As for Hillary, we all have to make that decision for ourselves. Maybe she was crying because she thought she would lose the vote.  She's not crying now.

Updated 1/20/08 -

Someone did it!  See Sandy Huffaker 1/19/08 at CaglePost.