Today we mourn the passing of the legendary Tookie Williams -- one of God's creatures, author of childrens' books, and possibly a very decent fellow gone wrong. So it is with great honor that we help get some of his last words out. He was writing another childrens' book when he passed away, and we were lucky enough to have acquired a discarded chapter fished out of the death row dumpster. Please help mourn his passing with a reading from that chapter:
Hey kids! Tookie here with today's lesson: Stay in School! Get an education! Learn to write a childrens' book! Why? Because you need a backup plan!
Someone disses you, you know you've gotta pop a cap at them. And some cracker jury might put you on death row -- the real death row, not the record label. So that education could save your life. Can you say "clemency?"
The smarter that people think you are then the safer you'll be. The concept of superior intelligence simply mesmerizes some people -- why do you think we eat canned tuna but not canned dolphin?
Make sure the emphasis gets put on you and not on your victims. Here's a quick quiz: Name just one of the people I killed. Can't do it? Go to the head of the class.
And here's another lesson. Get the Hollywood crowd to carry your torch and sing your praises. I call them "suckaz in the H'wood." Noem sayin? Ha ha! You'll be laughing all the way to the weight room!
But here's the most important lesson of all. The death penalty is NOT a deterrent! It's not! Sure, I've repented. I found Jesus. I wrote childrens' books. But that's coincidental. It's not because I got the death penalty. I would have done all that anyway. And if I were still on the street the Crips would be missionaries for peace instead of a violent gang. And what about those people I killed? I'd kill them all over again. So you see, the death penalty is not a deterrent, okay? Now can I just get that clemency?
Tookie Williams, 1953 -- 2005. Missed by some. Not by most.
Comments