The English language is in a constant state of evolution in this digital age, and our lexicons need to be continuously updated. Cell phones, digital televisions, new products, new medications and all other forms of new stuff have created new symptoms, maladies and conditions, all in desperate need of a name.
So to assist in this endeavor, here are some of those new conditions, with names, to wit:
Cellulard -- Accumulation of fat cells in the posterior due to physical inactivity, especially calling on the cell phone to someone in the next room rather than walking to them.
Tele-phony -- That stranger who looks right at you and talks as if you are a friend but instead is talking to someone else on a hands free phone.
Digital divide -- You're still married, but you haven't looked at your spouse since you got high definition television. Syn: digital divorce.
Phone drunk -- Inattentive driving while talking on the cell phone.
Viagra Full Monty - That four hour predicament the commercials warned about.
Carpal tunnel channel changer - Aching hand from constantly flipping to different channels with the remote.
Celliflower ear -- An ear deformity resulting from excessive cell phone usage. Similar to cauliflower ear.
DVT-TV -- Deep vein thrombosis due to sedentary tv watching. The couch potato disease.
Lead head -- Diminished brain capacity due to chewing on Chinese lead painted toys.
Toll Road Cookies -- Tiny bits of data left in your brain each time the state public relations team tries to convince you that toll roads are a good thing. A propaganda byproduct.
I-gotist -- An egotist flaunting his I-phone before learning that he overpaid for it.
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