Sleepless in Midland

There's a punch line in there somewhere

It's an old story. Guy meets gal. They hook up. But one of them turned out to be a real ass. It has happened to everyone.

This one was in Zimbabwe -- he thought he hired a hooker, but somehow she turned into a donkey. At least that was his defense in the bestiality trial. See Hooker 'turns into donkey', court hears.

There's a punch line in there somewhere.

Via ClumsyCrooks.com.

Lessons from Horror movies

With Halloween creeping up on us like Dracula on a damsel, and cable channels showing more horror movies than there are ghouls in a graveyard, the robot that replaced the editor here at Sleepless in Midland insisted on giving you this time saving list of Lessons to be Learned from Horror Movies:

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. It isn't.

If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move immediately.

Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.  NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

When you have the benefit of a group of people, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and leave NOW!!

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing. Even then, don't do it.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of a female. Even though you may be faster than the monster, you can be sure that it WILL catch you.

If your friends suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here:  Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Meskatonic University, Camp Crystal Lake, Haddonfield, Illinois, one gas station desert towns or any small town in Maine.

If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, or band saws. This is especially true if they are wearing a hockey mask or one made of human skin.

Stolen without shame from Misscellanie.com but probably originating at Halloween-online.com.

First frost

The record keepers missed it, so it will remain "unofficial." However the town of Midland, Texas, experienced it's first freeze of the 2011/2012 winter season on the morning of Saturday, October 29, 2011. Proof, while not in the record books, was seen on the frosty grass and glistening rooftops.

Does this serve as a predictor of another ultracold winter? Perhaps. Someone suggested that the drought contributes to the cold winters by removing moisture from the air that might have helped to retain heat.  Wear layers.

Chicks with guns

Wired.com tells us about a new photo book out titled Chicks With Guns. Article except:

After three years and 280 photo shoots, McCrum chose 80 compelling and thoughtful frames for her book. Each photo is accompanied by quotes from the subjects about their history or feelings on gun ownership.

For [Lindsay] McCrum, Chicks With Guns is not an attempt to enter the ideological debate about guns. Instead, she says she tried to harness the visceral power of photography to provide a more rounded, honest picture of what women gun owners look like today.

Some of the frames in the book are certainly what one would expect — a policewoman with her shotgun, a woman in a cowboy hat in front of a picturesque Western backdrop. Others are more surprising.

My favorite.

An Arab Beauty Pageant

From SaudiGazette.com.sa:

A rare beauty pageant organized in Al-Qatif in the Eastern Province, was intended to highlight the real beauty of a woman, which is her inner beauty. 22-year old Hashimiya Al-Radi, a nursing student, was chosen as the winner of the contest among 385 participants and was honored with the title ‘Miss Morals’. The two runners up were 17-year old Suhaila Al-Shawaf and 19-year old Zahra Salman Al-Awa. The crowning ceremony was held at King Abdullah National Banquet Hall in Al-Qatif, with an attendance of 500 women from all walks of life and all nationalities.

Apparently this isn't a joke.

Does Government Spending Stimulate Private Activity?

That's the title and subject of a research paper by Valerie A. Ramey -- Click for PDF -- in which she reports on the results of her study on the effect of government spending on private spending, unemployment, and employment. (Via Econtalk.org.)

It's a timely topic with President Obama having already spent billions of dollars in an attempt to stimulate the economy and apparently believing that the failure so far is due to not having spent enough. The President and his enablers will not be happy with Ms. Ramey's report.

Her conclusion:

For the most part, it appears that a rise in government spending does not stimulate private spending. Increases in government spending do reduce unemployment. For all but one specification, it appears that all of the employment increase is from an increase in government employment, not private employment.

Extrapolating a bit, if everyone works for the government then there would be no unemployment. Given the level of economic competence demonstrated so far by this administration, such a result might actually be in contemplation.

Flat tax -- at least it's on the table

Rick Perry announced recently that he is in favor of the flat tax, and although Mr. Perry is holding onto the #5 spot among Republicans in the polls, he still has some influence.

Herman Cain started it off with his catchy 9-9-9 plan, and while that's better than what we've got now -- almost anything is better than what we've got now -- still it introduces a brand new Federal tax many of us would like to avoid. Basically Mr. Cain's plan is a lowering of the existing income tax and the installation of a brand new sales tax. Tack 9% onto the 8.25% sales tax many Texans already pay, and before long we are leaving big bucks at the cash register. Besides, there would be nothing stopping a spendthrift Congress from trying to raise it beyond 9%.

The flat tax by itself is a far better idea. Steve Forbes brought the flat tax to the forefront in 1996, but no one else of national renown championed the concept in the U.S., until now.

But at least the flat tax is on the table again. If only the front runners would take up the cause.

In the in-box

Anyone with a public email address is fully aware of the variety of emails that can land in those mail slots. Canadian pharmacies, sellers of fake Viagra, investment tipsters, foreign finance ministers who want to give you large sums of money, sexy ladies who want to go out with you, and on rare occasion, a long time friend.

Here are a couple things that landed in the in-box recently.

First -- A notice to pay a ticket for a New York traffic violation. Simply click on the attachment and print out the ticket. Yeah right. The attachment is an instrument titled "Uniform traffic ticket.zip." Yes, a zip file. Nothing good could possibly come from downloading a zip file from someone with such a dubious cover story. Oh, by the way, the IP address is in Chungnam, Korea. Did the New York State Police outsource ticket collections?

Nope. The nail in that coffin comes from Snopes.com which calls it an outright virus.

Second -- The next one is almost sad. There are a few posts at this blog about firefighters, and that may have triggered an invitation to a Fire, Safety and Security Exhibition on December 10-13, 2011.

One major problem: It's in Cairo, Eqypt. Now there's a happy thought. As Coptic Christian churches go up in flame conference attendees can learn all about fighting fires.

There are people in Egype trying to run their businesses, but their countrymen are driving the customers away. It's almost as if the rioters want the country to descend into chaos so some group of organized and well financed extremists can sweep in to save the day with grand promises of a fundamentalist paradise.

Washed up feet mystery solved

This has been a baffling mystery -- why have severed feet been washing up on the upper West Coast shore? A total of twelve feet washed up on the shores of Canada and Washington state in the past four years with the most recent one last August.

An educated guess may have been proven correct. The theory was that a human body would come apart over time in the ocean, and feet strapped in light weight sneakers might eventually get washed ashore.

The theory was confirmed as two of the feet have been identified as belonging to female who committed suicide by jumping off a New Westminster, B.C., bridge in 2004 wearing New Balance shoes.

Four people have been identified so far.

It might be too much to expect potential bridge jumpers to put light weight sneakers on their to-do list. But there have been so many cruise ship passengers overboard lately people planning a cruise should certainly take note.

"Honey, be sure to pack some light weight running shoes for our honeymoon cruise."

"Why, will we be jogging?"

"No, in case you go overboard, your feet might wash up. By the way, did you sign that life insurance form?"

"The wedding is off."

If this place doesn't have ghosts then they don't exist

Sven Fennema took some photos in abandoned crypts in Belgium and came out with some really creepy images. Take a deep breath before clicking here.

If that place isn't haunted no place is.  Happy Halloween.

Does the internet make my ass look fat?

No. Looking at pictures on the internet makes your ass fat.

This is just a theory, but it could probably be confirmed, and it goes like this: The sight of tasty food stimulates a part of the brain that starts sending signals to the gut and everywhere else in the body creating not only a subconscious but a physical craving for food. If the person is already hungry the craving can't be resisted. The stimulated appetite leads to overindulgence thereby proving that you can get fat just looking at food

Therefore, whatever you do, DO NOT click on 20 Salacious Shots Of Food To Get Your Mouth Watering!

What if Lassie had been a cat

What about little Timmy? Well, it isn't very pretty, but see for yourself.

Via WeRuleTheInternet.com.

What you buy vs what you get

What I bought. That soup in the picture on the can looks oh so good.

What I got. Hey. Where's all the stuff?

Vienna 1950

This is another set of pics taken in 1950 by a neighbor whose husband was stationed in Germany while serving in the US Air Force Counter Intelligence Corps. These are from Vienna, and the writing on the backs describe what we are looking at.

This tank was supposed to be the first Russian tank that rolled into Vienna. After the war Vienna was divided into sectors, like Berlin. And this monument to Russian prowess implies this was in the Russian sector. The handwriting says there was propaganda on the building in the background, although it's impossible to read.

This is a photo a big Ferris wheel, and the handwriting says it's the same one that was in the 1949 movie The Third Man which was about international intrigue in post war Vienna. I recorded "The Third Man" from a TCM broadcast the other day and planned to have screen shot of the scene in which Joseph Cotton walks toward the Big Wheel and gestured at it to his adversary off screen. But unfortunately, the Windows 7 upgrade refuses to acknowledge the TV tuner that came with my old HP computer. So you'll have to trust me on that. Or you can watch it in this clip at Youtube.

Added later:  Here's that shot of Joseph Cotton in front of the Big Wheel in "The Third Man," captured from the above linked Youtube video.

 

What happens when a bad movie makes big money? A sequel!

The movie "Taken" with Liam Neeson only had three thing wrong with it: the plot, the characters, and the dialogue. What's left? Well, the setting wasn't bad. "Taken" must be the way anyone who paid theater ticket prices to see it felt after they saw it.

Neeson played some sort of former special ops guy with a teen daughter named Kim whose goal of being a band groupie on a European tour got interrupted by her getting kidnapped in Paris by a gang of human traffickers.

This may spoil the ending for someone who hasn't seen it. But this action hero drama has Neeson in full non-custodial daddy hero mode going on a killing spree in Paris where he rescues the girl and brings her home to the custodial mom. If that didn't spoil it for you, be aware that the plot has more holes in it than Bonnie and Clyde's last car.

But here's the surprise ending. "Taken" took in an astonishing $226 million worldwide. So there's going to be a sequel:

Liam Neeson returns as Bryan Mills, the retired CIA agent with a particular set of skills who stopped at nothing to save his daughter Kim from Albanian kidnappers. When the father of one of the kidnappers swears revenge, and takes Bryan and his wife hostage during their family vacation in Istanbul, Bryan enlists Kim to help them escape, and uses the same advanced level of special forces tactics to get his family to safety and systematically take out the kidnappers one by one.

So the vengeful bad guy takes this super mma fighter, escape artist, and marksman hostage instead of just killing him outright. Only in the movies.

Have you seen my keys?

Honey, have you seen my keys?

Yeah, um, you've got spares, right?

Emotionless emoticons

Did you ever run across an emoticon that left you scratching your head?

Wikipedia has a catalog of emoticons that go well beyond the simple smiley face.  My favorite:

<°))><

It means "fish," although it takes a little bit of straining to associate an emotion with a menu item, especially since it contains more characters than the word. But someone must have done it.

That link comes via AlexDavies.net where he features interesting word clouds mined from tweeted emoticons.

For a much larger collection, see pi's smiley list which contains faces such as:

=:-)  Smiley is a punk rocker; however
=:-(   Real punk rockers don't smile.
}:-(   Toupee in an updraft; and
$-)  Yuppie/Just Won A Large Sum Of Money.

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be one for "you just wasted a bunch of time."

Not a typical West Texas weekend

Two wonderful events made this an exceptional weekend in our fair city of Midland, Texas.

Texas Size Garage Sale --

The annual Texas Size Garage Sale is a hoarders paradise. As the saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure, and an affluent populace goes through consumer products like fire through prairie grass. The easy feel-good way to dispose of gently used merchandise is to donate it to the Texas Size Garage Sale benefiting Meals-on-Wheels.  And man-oh-man, what a selection.

The result was a field day for bargain hunters, hoarders, and frugal shoppers -- actually three days culminating in a final 1/2 off sale where the picked over treasures became real bargains.

Need an analog TV? You would think they were completely obsolete instead of almost obsolete.  The TVs were going for prices from $2 (small TV missing a power cord) to $30 for a 27" Sony. Buy them Sunday and get half off.

One lady left with a pickup truck and a trailer loaded with loot. What a deal.

Fire Department Open House --

Lighter turnout than in the past. The splash party for the kids -- when they turn the firehose on "spray" and let the kids play in the mist -- had been removed from the agenda this year. The kids would have loved it, but it wouldn't have set a good example at a time when the city council has just made criminals of citizens who leak water into the street.

But it was still good.

Man vs washing machine

Here's a lesson for my fellow do-it-yourselfers. If you buy a new washing machine remove the shipping rod.

The old washer had a good run, but after 20 years some part deteriorated inside and little rusted chunks made their way into the drum transforming that handy appliance into a useless white cube.

Best Buy had the best deal, which included installation, so I plunked down the plastic and signed the slip. After a designated wait, two friendly fellows brought it over, lugged it into place and hooked it up.

After a couple days it was time to do some laundry, and everything went well until the spin cycle. And the noise from the laundry room sounded like a Tasmanian devil was chasing Bugs Bunny around inside, or maybe like a jack hammer pounding away at the cement floor.

So it was off to the internet to download the installation instructions that the friendly installation crew conveniently withheld. Why would I need it when they did all the installing themselves? Well, there's one step they omitted. There's this thing called the shipping rod that's about two feet long stuck in the side of the thing, presumably to hold the drum steady in transit. But it's supposed to be removed before using the machine. Thankfully, no permanent damage was done.

So the lesson here is that when a store crew installs an appliance, learn in advance what it is they are supposed to do, and breathe down their necks as they work to make sure they do it right. Nagging helps, too. Take a line from the Shirley MacLaine character in Terms of Endearment and say something snappy like, "Be careful with that thing. This washer is worth more than you make in a month."  They'll pretend they don't like it, but you're just helping them do a good job.

The Halloween haunted house

Are Americans the only ones who pay good money for someone to scare the bejabbers out of us? This is why the terrorists hate us. See NightmaresFearFactory.com. Via BitsandPieces.us.

The startling jump-out is probably the easiest scare tactic and likely the most common feature in a haunted house these days.

But the best haunted halloween house I ever visited was put on in an old abandoned building by college theater students. There may have been some jump-outs, but the most memorable parts were rooms carefully decorated in a horrific fashion with actors performing frightening roles. For example, there was a room made to look like a classroom with blood everywhere and bodies strewn about and one lone bloody survivor who could only say, weakly, "The class clown did it, the class clown did it." Much more memorable than the jump-out. And it was pre-Columbine, too.

China's leftists rally for Occupy Wall Street

From BusinessInsider.com:

In the past few days, they've held protests in Luoyang and Zhengzhou (in Henan province) to show their support for the Americans who, they hope, will bring down capitalism once and for all.

Yeah, that's just sure to win the hearts and minds of skeptical voters.

How to tell if someone is lying

It's almost a joke.  Goes like this:

Guy says to gal, "You're lying."
She says, "No I'm not."
Gal say to guy, "You're lying."
He says, "How did you know?"

So how does one tell when another is lying? A UCLA professor named R. Edward Geiselman has been studying this topic and has come up with some things interrogators could watch for as clues the interrogatee may be lying. Here are few of his tells, straight from the UCLA Newsroom article.

• When questioned, deceptive people generally want to say as little as possible. Geiselman initially thought they would tell an elaborate story, but the vast majority give only the bare-bones. Studies with college students, as well as prisoners, show this. Geiselman's investigative interviewing techniques are designed to get people to talk.

• Although deceptive people do not say much, they tend to spontaneously give a justification for what little they are saying, without being prompted.

• They tend to repeat questions before answering them, perhaps to give themselves time to concoct an answer.

• They often monitor the listener's reaction to what they are saying. "They try to read you to see if you are buying their story," Geiselman said.

• They often initially slow down their speech because they have to create their story and monitor your reaction, and when they have it straight "will spew it out faster," Geiselman said. Truthful people are not bothered if they speak slowly, but deceptive people often think slowing their speech down may look suspicious. "Truthful people will not dramatically alter their speech rate within a single sentence," he said.

• They tend to use sentence fragments more frequently than truthful people; often, they will start an answer, back up and not complete the sentence.

• They are more likely to press their lips when asked a sensitive question and are more likely to play with their hair or engage in other "grooming" behaviors. Gesturing toward one's self with the hands tends to be a sign of deception; gesturing outwardly is not.

• Truthful people, if challenged about details, will often deny that they are lying and explain even more, while deceptive people generally will not provide more specifics.

• When asked a difficult question, truthful people will often look away because the question requires concentration, while dishonest people will look away only briefly, if at all, unless it is a question that should require intense concentration.

Professor Geiselman, who sells training programs to law enforcement personnel, thinks police departments don't provide enough interrogation training. However, he does give away a few free tips, as follows:

• Ask open ended questions and encourage the interviewee to talk,

• Keep asking for more details, and

• Ask them to tell their story backwards -- from the end to the beginning -- to induce cognitive overload.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Wiesbaden 1950

Armchair time travel.

A neighbor loaned me a box of old photos and souvenirs from the time she lived with her USAF CIC husband in Wiesbaden, Germany, after WWII.

Looks like she happened upon a building fire one day.

That's a very distinctive helmet the firefighters are wearing. War surplus, perhaps?

German lookie loos.

Check out that firetruck.

See Lunch on the RMS Queen Elizabeth - 1950, previously for more from the time travel box.

A soap opera story for the net

This is a bizarre story, a story for the soaps if the soaps played online.

We've all seen "To Catch a Predator" which had someone posing online as an underage lure to inflame the lust of some gullible correspondent and entice that person to come a callin', only to come face to face with a TV crew making a show in which he was the unwilling star.

Apparently, a group called "Perverted Justice" conducted the charade that lured the potential culprits. And Bruce Raisley, a former volunteer with PJ, was troubled by the trickery used in the process and questioned its legality. He exited the organization after a dispute with the head honcho, Xavier Von Erck. So Xazier set his sights on Bruce.

He tricked Bruce into thinking he was corresponding with a female named Holly, and the exchanges grew intense. Bruce decided to leave his wife for Holly. It was a scam, and the perpetrators of the hoax posted photos of a lovesick Bruce waiting at the airport for his fictitious lover and copies of their correspondence all over the internet. Lonely Bruce ended up losing his wife, his job, and contact with his son.

So then Bruce set his sights on "Perverted Justice" and the websites that participated in his humiliation with a distributed denial-of-service attack virus he allegedly set loose. Now that's not just fighting dirty, that really is against the law. So the result of all of that is that Bruce was sentenced to two years in the slammer. Link. Another link.

What a soap opera.

The sho must go on

That's a word of art, "sho," as in Airsho, probably so CAF could trademark it.

Drought stricken West Texas got some much needed rain early this morning, and many potential visitors to the Airsho may have been a little bit water shy. But it would have taken a real gully washer for CAF to cancel the thing. Sure enough, they announced in spite of the rain the sho would go on. 

And it did, with bombs bursting, guns blazing, and planes swooping and weaving.  Spectators had their fingers crossed as bombers flew over and dog fights raged. But to everyone's relief, the U.S.prevailed once again.

Did the CAF take any extra precautions due to concerns raised by the news reels about the recent air show crashes? You bet. Volunteers were required to sign liability releases. There, got that potential crash risk out of the way.

Car2go -- innovating car rental concept in Austin

Residents in Austin, Texas, have access to a neat transportation concept. It's Car2go, a car rental that let's the renter find a car on his/her smart phone parked somewhere within the operating area, pick up an itty bitty Daimler smart fortwo car, use it for a while, and leave it at another parking spot near the renter's destination.

The cost is $35 to register then $0.35 per minute of use up to a max of $12.99 per hour or $65.99 per day. Plus tax. And there's a charge of $0.45 for each mile driven over 150.

From their website:

Our network includes more than 300 of the coolest cars on the road, the innovative smart fortwo. At 41 miles-per-gallon hwy, these amazing vehicles are the most fuel-efficient non-hybrid or electric vehicles in the United States and the 3rd most fuel-efficient vehicle in the United States. You'll see plenty of these blue and white vehicles all over Austin, handy and waiting for members to access and drive away.

Drive where you want for as long as you want. Afterwards, simply park the car in any legal parking place in our operating area, or one of the many car2go parking spots in Austin, no need to return the car to the original pick-up location.

It being Austin, a natural assumption would be that taxpayer money is subsidizing the operation, but surprisingly, a word search for "car2go" in the Austin 2010 budget didn't produce any results. So maybe taxpayers aren't kicking in. Not bad.

Dragin' a wagon

Old guy: "Towing is like a getting married."

"Ya just gotta get hitched up right, and even when ya drag bottom, it'll hold together tight."

T-shirt guy: "Screw the philosophy, and just call a damn tow truck."

What was your first clue?

... that the motel had paper thin walls.

He lost his head in the Paleozone

He wasn't the first guy who lost his head over a woman.

Or maybe he was. Maybe he was.

(Photo taken at Alley Oop Park in Iraan.)

Rules of gunfighting for armchair gunslingers

Most of us assume we'll never be in a gunfight, and on a lazy Sunday afternoon any threat of violence seems worlds away. But it's always enlightening to get the perspective of someone who has been there, or at least has thought about being there.

This is from Field and Stream in 2009, titled Petzal: The Rules of Gunfighting and purports to contain Drill Sergeant Joe B. Fricks Rules For A Gunfight. Via StormBringer. There are 28 rules which read more like tips for survival. My favorite is this one:

13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work. "No battle plan ever survives 10 seconds past first contact with an enemy."

That's a rule that might have application to just about any situation in life.

See all 28 rules at either of the links above. They end with this one:

Finally, Drill Sergeant Frick's Rules For Un-armed Combat.

1. Never be unarmed.