Secret Service agents are notoriously pushy and particular regarding people trying to get a glimpse of the President, so it's almost certain that they had some sort of vetting process for the hookers they allegedly employed the other night in Cartegena, Columbia. As politicians pound their chests and get ready to throw the agents off the bus, maybe somewhere in all of this the agents' vetting process will become public. In the meantime, one of our ace reporters sniffed out what appears to be a used vetting form from a DC dumpster. As follows:
1. Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
Answer: No.
2. Do you wish to cause any harm to the President of the United States?
Answer: No.
3. Have you ever tested positive for an STD?
Answer: No! What do you think I am?
4. Do you currently have any open sores?
Answer: None that you would notice.
5. Did you bring protection?
Answer: Yes. Of course.
6. Are you ticklish?
Answer: Yes. (Tee heh.)
7. Do you cater to any fetishes, and if so, which ones?
Answer: Yes. All of them.
8. Are those your real boobs?
Answer: Do they look real?
9. How much do you charge?
Answer: No habla a inglés.
Aha! There's the problem in number 9. There was a meeting of the flesh but no meeting of the minds.
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