Sleepless in Midland

Drought Porn

Pornography -- visual images of things the viewer will never have the opportunity to do.

To thirsty Texans in the drought zones and the wildfire areas this video of a giant water balloon fight might well be pornography. Youtube link.

175,141 Water Balloons.

Via UKCSF.org via Newslite.tv.

Flash mob New Zealand style

The Haka is an unforgettable dance. And tourists in Auckland, New Zealand, the other day must have been stunned when a flash mod Haka dance broke out.

Check it out at this Youtube link.  While you don't see it in this vid, the body part that really gives this dance an image to remember is the tongue.

Is this Horsemanning?

OK, we've heard of horsemanning.

But what the hell is this?

Via BigRedKev via bitsandpieces.

As seen from above - amazing visuals from overhead

The name says it all: Incredible Google Earth Images (25 pics).

Worth a look.

Guy tried to perform hernia surgery on himself

Who can say they haven't been frustrated with a doctor's waiting room wait? A doctor's appointment schedule is designed to maximize billable time, and the patient must have patience.

So here's a 63 year old hernia sufferer in Glendale, CA, who deserves our sympathy. He got so tired of waiting for a medical procedure that he tried to perform surgery on himself. See California man tries to fix hernia with butter knife.

Eenie Meenie Miney ... OUCH!

He should have moved to Canada.

Via Nothing to do with Arbroath.

End toenail fungus embarrassment -- keep toes hidden

Hide those ugly toes with Zombie sandals.

These shoes will make your own tootsies look absolutely gorgeous!

Via MissCellania.com.

Last finger standing -- Crosswalk light with a message for pedestrians

It happened up the road in Amarillo, Texas. The walkway lights were intended to show a simple hand -- thumb and four fingers -- signaling an emphatic "STOP" for pedestrians. Unfortunately, a malfunction blacked out three of the four fingers. Guess which finger was left standing.

Of course there had to be a news video with a cute "bird" metaphor.

Cars and pedestrians don't always mix in the battle for right of way. Size is what matters in the eyes of many drivers, and for them that unintended message may have been just the right one.

Via Newslite.tv with a photo to make sure you know just which finger it was.

X-Men Rejects

Dear Sir or Madame,

We at Marvel Comics always appreciate reader suggestions. However, we feel that Mellon Boy with high speed seed spitting super powers would be too much of a tongue twister even for the X-Men audience.

Nice costume, though.

MC

Pic via Bits & Pieces.

The running of the bulls needs a rodeo clown

The running of the bulls doesn't seem so out of place. What's out of place is the mob of humans trying to stay ahead of them. Slideshow.

PAMPLONA, Spain — Tens of thousands of people packed Pamplona's main square Wednesday for the launch of the "chupinazo" rocket — the start of Spain's most famous bull-running festival.

To a bull, a bipedal creature must look like an upside-down "Y." And there's a spot on said bipedal creature so obvious for a hook and flip that even the most primitive of horned beasts could figure it out.

Nice Dockers, dude.

There's never a rodeo clown around when you need one.

Photo credit: Jesus Caso / EPA.

Creepy picture of downtown Houston

Apparently, the old YMCA building in downtown Houston is undergoing demolition. And Houston Press has some remarkable photos juxtaposing the partially demolished hulk with newer buildings. Link.

See the first one if none other. Creepy.

Tatts make the man

Notice to tattoo wearers: Your tattoos make you who you are. They're proof of your individuality.

They set you apart from every other human being. Don't hide them. Show them off, especially when you rob a bank --  'Die Pig Die' tattoo identifies robber.

Dads -- what to get yourself for father's day, continued

Here's a terrific idea: A branding iron for the BBQ grill. Apply lettering to say what you want, and brand it on that steak. Via MissCellania.com.

The possibilities seem endless:

Bite me

Road Kill

RAW

Eat more chicken

Here's your steak, right here.

Viral photo -- Hit my brother, please

Yahoo emailers get treated to links to vids and pics after logging out, and some of those vids and pics are too enticing to pass up. This one is a case in point. Seems that a kid took a sign to a baseball game inviting foul balls in his direction, specifically to bean his brother.

Well, sometimes brothers go after each other, that's fairly well documented. A parents job is to minimize the carnage, promote harmony, and try not to show favorites. With that in mind, take a gander at the satisfied look on the mom's face. Could she be any prouder?

In this day and age getting a photo of their mugs to go viral must be so tempting it overrides any old fashioned parenting ideas. Flash forward 40 years: "Why can't I just come live with you?"

Larry Griswold, a comic takes a dive

The first frame of this vid says "Larry Griswold, Frank Sinatra Show, November 13, 1951." ( Frank Sinatra had a TV show? )

The guest, Larry Griswold, was a comic who was also an acrobat, and he did an amazing bit on a diving board. Ya gotta see it to believe this guy's dexterity.

A tip of the hat to PH Factor for the link.

Dear Abby on accents

Every once in a while the Dear Abby column in the local paper is an attention getter. And a column in late May was one of them.

Seems that some poor soul residing in Laguna Beach, California, had relatives visiting from the South. And, heaven forbid, they spoke with a Southern accent. "They come across sounding like hicks and buffoons." Keeping-it-real-in-Laguna-Beach was mortified that someone might hear them and arrive at a guilt by association conclusion.

Dear Abby doled out some sensible advice:

The best advice I can offer would be for you to grow a thicker skin and, if that doesn't work, spend less time with your relatives. With your attitude, you'll be doing them a favor.

Yeah, I'm sure the Southern relatives were equally embarrassed about Keeping-it-real who probably kept an ear glued to progressive radio. Talk show host Stephanie Miller slams conservatives all the time on her radio show, and the morning I listened to it last April she used an exaggerated Southern accent to espouse some ridiculous principle she claimed was true of fiscal conservatives. It was a rude gesture, but she's not out to win converts, she knows her audience, and the cruel ridicule maintains conformity.

The advice seeker in Laguna Beach needs to broaden his/her horizons.

But wait. What's this? Is the Southern accent dying? How new research shows upper and middle classes are losing their drawl.

Well shut my mouth. Maybe the accent is going away -- everyone may all end up sounding alike, homogenized like milk. An element of culture would surely be missing.

Meantime, y'all come back now, heah?

Hug Your Cat day

It was June 4, but it's not too late to celebrate Hug Your Cat day.

So go ahead and give that furry feline a good tight squeeze.

In honor of the day Walgreen's is having a sale on band aids -- buy 2 and get 1/2 off the second one.

Egg on his face -- fighting back in Sweden

They don't want you to fight back in Sweden. Well, OK. Maybe that guy was a little bit too aggressive.

American style Halloween Trick-or-Treat antics are fairly new to Swedes, but they seem to have caught on and are popular with the tricksters -- not so much with the trickees.

So when some homeowner got fed up with kids pelting his house with eggs he took off after them. He caught one, grabbed his eggs and smeared them on the egg tossers face. Hooray, said some.

But the local prosecutor disagreed, and "The man, who has admitted to the deed, now stands charged with harassment, and will be forced to pay a fine of 11,400 kronor ($1,800)."

Poor guy. Some days ya just can't win. See story at Man fined after returning fire at egg-throwing pranksters.

This is why the terrorists hate us -- the Slurpee

Two! Count 'em. Two flavors in one Slurpee!

Coming in June, 7-Eleven will begin to offer Slurpees in these cups with dual chambers, a special valve and two straws that will let you drink two Slurpee flavors at the same time.

Never underestimate convenience store genius.

Via Gizmodo.com.

Sunday diversion -- bungling thieves

Fortuna's wheel is constantly turning, and sometimes the results can be very satisfying. Some examples:

First. Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, you can't run away with your pants on the ground.

During a beer run -- the act of grabbing a case of beer and running out of the store without paying -- this thief sprints away from the store with a case of beer in his arms. He doesn't have a free hand to hold up his britches, and down he goes. Watch the surveillance video from pump #4 HERE. Not a very clean getaway.

Second. This dude grabs a tip jar at a restaurant in Seattle and makes a run for it -- smack dab into a bus. Read about it HERE. (Sadly, no video.)

Third. Contrast those with this one. A skater goes so fast on his roller blades he triggers the speed ticket camera. Watch the video HERE. No one gets hurt, it's just a imaginative demonstration of civil disobedience somewhere in the UK. Speed ticket cameras must trigger a universal distaste.

Sunday diversions -- sometimes it's ok to pick up hitchhikers

Via El Opinador Compulsivo.

Road Notes -- Santa Fe, New Mexico

Springtime is a very pleasant time to visit New Mexico, or anywhere, for that matter, but this journey took me to the beautiful town of Santa Fe where the residents have done a good job of keeping the city looking old. There's an adobe house there that claims to be the oldest home in the U.S. Now it's a store. But even the new homes have that old adobe look.

Unofficial color of Santa Fe -- Adobe Roof Red.
Unofficial Santa Fe slogan -- "Visit our show room."

The trip up the High Road to Taos this time of year provides a spectacular view. Could it be one of the top ten scenic drives in the U.S.? Perhaps.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these pics.

Good Thursday Pilgrimage

A visitor driving a vehicle on the expressway on the outskirts of Santa Fe, NM, last Thursday may have thought that New Mexicans sure must like to walk as there were hundreds of people walking on the shoulder of the highway. Drivers had to pay close attention, because the walkers seemed oblivious to the potential for hazard. Signs cautioned drivers to watch out for walkers, and the sheriff's office gave the walkers safety tips and glow sticks.

Luckily I was with a knowledgeable native who politely explained that those pedestrians were making an Easter weekend pilgrimage.

Their destination was Chimayo where a miracle was supposed to have occurred a couple of centuries ago in that Spanish settlement nestled on the edge of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains. And that tiny community attracts thousands of pedestrians every year.

Some people make the trek to heal themselves or others, although some probably do it to honor the ritual. It appears on the map to be about the distance of a marathon and then some from Santa Fe, and most of the hikers appeared to have readied themselves for a long trek. But the ones pushing a baby stroller? They may have been expecting a miracle.

Happy Easter, everyone.

Montage of movie phone hangups

Ever notice how the actors on the phone in movies always hang up on whomever they were talking with?

Being in a movie means never having to say "good bye." Here's a montage to prove it.

Via urlesque.com.

Click.  [Dial tone].

Sleep or lack thereof

Sleepy factoids:

• Sleep walking (somnambulism ), sleep driving, and sleep sex (sexsomnia ) can get you into trouble. Or maybe out of trouble.

• In 1965 a 17 year old set a record by staying awake 11 days.

• However, police say a methamphetamine "tweaker" can stay away up to 15 days.

• Speaking of methamphetamine, German soldiers were wired on meth in the Blitzkrieg of WWII.

• Within 5 minutes of waking half of your dream is forgotten. Within 10 minutes, 90% is gone.

• You can kill a rat by keeping it awake for two weeks.

• Too much sleep can carry a 20% greater mortality risk over two decades. Same thing with too little sleep.

Finally, the best ways to get to sleep:

• consume foods containing tryptophan;

• count sheep; and

• work as a flight controller on the grave yard shift.

Seeing ghosts

Here are some remarkable poll results.

Eerily, 25 per cent of the UK adult population – or around 11m people - have experienced a ghost, according to research by spectre expert Professor Richard Wiseman. ...

In the 1950s, the figure was just seven per cent, rising to 14 per cent in the 1990s and 19 per cent in 2003.

See Quarter of UK has had ‘ghostly encounter’.

The U.S. has got them beat. CBS says a third of Americans believe in ghosts in the poll asking which one of the following do you think is the most likely to actually exist, Ghosts, UFOs, Vampires, Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, none of the above. Ghosts ranked the highest with a third of Americans saying they believe. There's slim hope, though, with 12% selecting "none of the above."

Are ghosts rising. Nah, most likely it's the influence of TV. Popular TV shows about the walking dead probably aren't taken as anything other than fiction. But with the history channel shows about ancient aliens right along side shows about the hilarity of pawn shop management, it's easy to see how some vulnerable viewers might confuse fiction with reality.

Can't find the TV remote or the car keys? Ghosts. Seems like you just filled up the gas tank, but now it's empty again? Ghosts. Took out the trash, but the waste basket is full again already? Those pesky ghosts, there oughta be a law.

Couldn't find their own asp

Lost: 20 inch poisonous cobra in the vicinity of the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo. If found, please notify zoo keeper.

Via AOLnews.com.

There are some things ya just don't wanna lose.

Updated 3/31/11: Found!

Breheny said the zoo is evaluating its protocols to make sure the snake doesn't escape again. Zoo officials hope to reopen the reptile house next week.

Swedish sausage contains 104% meat

Just couldn't give 110%. The slackers.

They always said you don't want to see sausage being made. But this fellow read the label of some sausage he bought at a ski lift in Sweden and discovered that it allegedly contained 104% meat. So he sought an official explanation:

CEO Marcus Färnström explained to local newspaper Länstidningen Östersund that what it actually means is 104 g meat has been used per every 100g sausage.

Got that? Maybe it means there was a 4 gram weight loss by the time the sausage made it out of the factory. At least it wasn't pumped up with water the way chicken is in the US.

Bully slamdown is a Youtube hit

Size matters.

You've probably seen the video. Some squirt decides to pick on Casey, a much larger kid. The squirt punches Casey in the face, jabs him in the gut, taunts him. Casey grabs the squirt and gives him a helllacious body slam. If you haven't seen it yet, click here to watch it.

Or if you are squeamish, watch it in this newsreel video which contains the gentle warning that "The clip we're about to show may disturb some viewers." Backgrounder here.

It's possible that a small wiry kid with super fast reflexes might be able to subdue a much larger fellow. But size definitely matters. Weight carries a lot of momentum. And a big guy usually has some strong muscles developed from carrying around his own body weight. So the little kid is going to have to be very good to duck the blows and grabs, and if the big guy gets a good grip on the kid, it's all over.

Reminds me of something that happened to a friend of mine in high school. My friend was a plus sized fellow, and apparently he looked too soft to some smaller guy who tried to bully my friend. Maybe the bully was trying to earn his bones or something. Who know? Anyway, my friend eventually agreed to fight him after school.

That afternoon on a secluded side of the school house the sparing began. The bully took a swing but got too close.  My friend rushed at him, made full contact, and pushed the bully backward until the bully became the meat of a sandwich between my friend and a cement staircase.

"UMF" was the sound, and the bully went limp. One of his friends shouted "Policia, Policia." My friend stood up and looked around. The bully was still strong enough to run away, and he and his friends took off. There were no police, it was merely an escape mechanism. And that ended the fight conclusively enough to terminate any future bullying.

Meanwhile, one of the most satisfying TV shows currently airing is Bully Beatdown where Jason "Mayhem" Miller invites a bully to match up in the cage with a MMA fighter his own size. The enticement is a $10,000 purse of which the bully can earn all or part by not tapping out in a round of wrestling and lasting one round of boxing.

A bully, some victims, a hero to set things right.  All very satisfying.

Sex Ed

There was a time when kids learned about sex the hard way, by sitting at a wooden desk in a darkened classroom watching dumb educational films like What to do on a date.

Now days "teacher's pet" takes on a whole new meaning when a hot teacher has sex with her favorite student.

Well, the problem with that is that it's so narrowly focused. What about all those uncool kids who didn't make the cut?

Chicago's Northwestern University solved the problem -- put on a live sex show. Presumably, all of the 120 students who watched a woman demonstrate the use of a sex toy were at or over the age of consent. And if so, it's doubtful they learned something they didn't already know.

But that brings us almost to full circle. The next step in this progression will be to update those old classroom videos. "Timmy gets to first base." Then by senior year, full blown porn. Would someone get the lights?

Sunday Diversions -- Sh*t My kids Ruined

Love 'em or hate 'em, they are always good for a laugh when they belong to someone else. It's Sh*t My Kids Ruined where parents submit photos of what the little darlings did.

My favorite, Blueprints. Oops, looks like someone stepped in blue paint.